Dear Sir or Madam,
I need hardly tell you that the actions you have taken against my person have brought upon you nothing but disgrace. I also don't feel a need to remind you of how little you deserve any correspondence from me, much less a personal letter with the aim of picking you out of the sickening bog of porn and reality television in which you currently lay in wanton waste. If you haven't replaced every brain function you have in your race to atrophy as quickly as possible, which is far from a sure thing, I bring your attention, however retarded you might find it, to the next paragraph.
When you still possessed a working brain, you rightly condemned people guilty of the same impertinence you now exhibit in your routine behaviors. The hardly describable and completely unforgivable way in which you passed over my facebook communications to your person via your wall were at the time, and continue to be, the most utterly vapid and intellectually bankrupt actions to which you have needlessly subjected yourself. The spiral of mental incapacity into which you have decided to hurl yourself headfirst can only end about seven philosophical floors down when you suddenly hit the wall of despair that will mark your invisible, unmissed removal from all good society. Not a person will lay a tear for your absence, and not even the sacks of fetid meat that share your level of mental prowess will sigh for losing one of their welcome peers.
If you hope to reclaim some fraction of the respect with which you were once viewed; if you hope to use your brain as something more than pulling down the definition of what sort of muscle-mass has to technically be considered a living organism; if you hope to use your life as something other than a tool for wasting other people's time, then I suggest you not delay even one more second--you have already passed the time in which it would have been conceivable to make yourself into a functioning human being that your parents can be proud of.
You cannot spare another minute.
/s/
Vincent Saint-Simon
cc: brock walker, curt bozif